Tuesday, May 31, 2011
How In The World Did I Get Here And Where Are The Street Signs?
I am adopted and I have always wanted to adopt. I always knew that I was going to adopt, just after I had married and birthed children of course. God, however, has had other plans for me. Like I said, age 36 was rough. After a few months of pouting and basically feeling sorry for myself I sat out to pray intently and seek God's will for my life. Was I to be a missionary? NO - I could suffer for the Lord in Paris only, anywhere else was out of the question. Was I to take students on yearly trips to Europe? NO - thank you EF Tours and a jerk of a tour guide to ruin that dream for me. Was I to move somewhere and start all over? NO - couldnt leave my family. Sigh...what to do, what to do......
Alot of people think that to "hear" God we need to wait for a clear audible voice (I've always imagined it a cross between Darth Vader and Aslan) and have a street sign pop up right in front of us everytime we have a question. Wouldn't that be great? But that isn't the way God works. For me He usualy brings things up slowly - scriptures that keep showing up in my studies, circumstances, people that cross my path, song lyrics....simple messages that after a while I pick up on. It was the caucasian family with the asian children in the Piaza San Marco, spending the evening with a lady who had adopted 4 children internationally, two family member independently suggesting without provocation that I look into adopting, catching some news stories about international adoption and feeling like I would fall apart if I didn't start looking into agencies, on and on and on. That still small voice was a whisper...but I got it. I set out that evening to look for an agency - that is a whole other story I'd like to share at another time - but within a day I found the one that I chose: Childrens Hope International. People always ask me why I chose China - but I always knew it was going to be China. Ever since I saw part of a documentary of abandoned babies in China, I always knew I would adopt from there.
What was supposed to be a 9 month wait quickly grew to a two year wait...and then quickly a four year wait. Many things have gone into this: more families adopting from China, less babies available, more families keeping their girl babies. I happened to just get in at the start of the slow down. Many times over these last four years I have questioned God if this was still the path for me. Where are the street signs telling me where to go? Where is the map? I need a bonk on the head to reasure me that this is where I need to be!!!! He would let me explore other options for a while, but would always bring me back to where I needed to be - His ways are not my ways, His time is not my time.